there have been no updates on this blog lately because well
all im doing right now is just waiting for answers about the apartment
sighs
im so proud of my character designs especially the jester i posted a little while ago and i feel so bad because i honestly just need compliments right nowi feel obnoxious and attention craving
i think everyone has little days where they need some extra attention
wouldnt it be nice to just cut off parts of my body so i can be just the size i feel suits me
id probably die though
im sad and stupid and lazy and fat and ugly and my art keeps getting worse and people keep ignoring me and its all my fault all of it look at me im complaining about something that is my fault thats even worse
two anxiety attacks today in the middle of a city filled with strangers who didnt take their eyes off me great life sure is going well for me
every time something good has happened recently something bad has happened like right afterwards to make the good thing not happen anyway(oh i can move out! oh nevermind. oh i can move in anyway! oh nope you cant get that flat. oh if you get financial support before[extremely tight deadline]you can totally get the flat! oh theres no way i can get financial support. oh at least theres my future pastry chef career! oh wait i have to MOVE OUT BEFORE I CAN DO THAT)
i dont understand why this is happening im working so hard right now im doing my best and doing things i hate i swear im even trying so hard to be positivie im doing everything i can im doing everything i can im doing everything i can im doing everything i can i want to fucking kill myself
i had spaghetti carbonara at a really good restaurant when i was younger it was AMAZING and i havent had it since because i would be disappointed since it was so good
but we bought this box ‘mix’ carbonara bc it was on sale and its a really nice brand and its actually really delicious
omfg i went to this business school place where you can like learn your stuff and I had to go to a meeting and I was soooo nervous!!
turns out the guy was super nice and sweet and I got to meet the pastry chef teacher fellow and hes super cool too!! and… i should be getting in and starting my training in august!
WHICH MEANS im defs getting that flat too
holy shit im like freaking out this is AMAZING!!!!
also im eating chicken lasagna. could this day even get better
on this blog i really expose myself, every little side no matter how much i hate it
and, i dont know, i think thats an important thing to be able to do? and while its not the point of the blog i really wish some of my closer friends would read it more
although, i do have a habit of focusing on my bad sides too much. thats how it is, right? when someone hits you, you get a visible bruise that will always remind you, but when someone caresses you, there is nothing, so you remember the bruise much easier
i need to stop that. i have good sides and they should be visible to me, but for now all i have is what people tell me are my good sides.
i have this habit, and its a little disgusting
like you know how you change personality a lot as you grow up? i do that really really quickly and that means i get bored of people who dont change at the same or somewhere near the speed i do and thats like a little rude?? since its not their fault
but at the same time if i try to force myself to continue talking and liking them, thats also really rude because id be faking it and thats just not nice!!!
and like growing quickly isnt necessarily a good thing but some people think that so they think that i think that im better than them because i know i grow a little quicker and that makes me angry because i dont like it when people think that when its not true
its just really bothersome but if people who dont change as quickly are aware of this and still try to keep contact with me i do sometimes stay friends with them and its pretty great!!
so the people who i call my close friends are always people that i very rarely get bored of even if they dont change so quickly
i guess i just like making observations about myself even if they make me feel a little gross
these hello kitty bed sheets have made me too happy im so happy. i need more hello kitty
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
